It All Started With Father's Day

Father's Day weekend, actually.

It all *started* before then, of course. It just all seemed to come to a head then.

Before then, we (LZ, the DH and I) had our plans made. We were all going to Maryland for 4th of July weekend. My mom's side of the family was having the bi-annual family reunion, this time in the Baltimore area. The DH and I were planning to spend the weekend with an old Army buddy of ours who lived out that way.

We hadn't seen our Army buddy in about 10 years. The DH kept in loose contact with him over the years, and when we found out we were going to be in the area, we let him know. He graciously offered to let us stay at his place. Not only would that give us a chance to catch up on old times, it would save us some money as well.

So anyway, that's where things stood as far as we knew on Father's Day weekend. Unfortunately, it was the Saturday before Father's Day that the DH peed blood the first time. Needless to say, we were both pretty freaked out. He hadn't really done anything to warrant that: no bar brawls or ultimate fighting matches or anything like that.

He was supposed to help a friend/co-worker move that morning, but instead he spent the morning at the urgent care clinic. They ran a few tests and the doctor there told him it was "probably" a bladder infection or a UTI, gave him a prescription for antibiotics and sent him on his way.

The test results, of course, weren't ready; the doctor told him to call back in a few days for those. When the DH called a few days later, he was told there was no infection. But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

So Sunday rolls around and Father's Day starts off fine. The DH's health issues are kind of worrisome, a few dark clouds on the horizon, but it's probably just an infection. No biggie.

I bought the DH Guitar Hero 3, so he spent most of the morning playing the game and making and receiving phone calls on this, his first Father's Day. He even called up our old Army Buddy and left a message to wish him Happy Father's Day and make sure we were still on track for the 4th.

The DH was on his cell phone with his sister when the home phone rang; the caller ID showed it was Army Buddy. I answered, expecting to hear Army Buddy. I was looking forward to talking with him, looking forward to seeing him. He and the DH were close friends, but I liked him too.

I was surprised to hear a woman's voice on the phone, asking if someone from this number had left a message for her husband. She used his first name, which sounded funny to me; after calling him by his last name for years, I barely knew it.

I try to remember now why I thought she was calling. I thought it was strange, of course, for her to return Army Buddy's messages, but I didn't think anything was *wrong*. But, like I said, I can't remember what I thought.

I can't remember what I said, either. I know I said something about it being my husband who called. I was going to say something about us all being in the Army together, or maybe I was going to say something about us coming out there soon. I don't think I said any of that, though. I didn't know her at all and had never spoken to her before, but something didn't sound right.

With a shaking voice to told me her husband had died a few weeks previously. I was shocked, to say the least, but managed to ask her what happened. She said he'd killed himself.

I didn't really know what to say. She was obviously upset, so I didn't want to pump her for information. I gave my condolences (basically saying "I'm so sorry" over and over again) and hung up.

The DH took it hard; they were very close back in the Army days. He called back to ask her if we could visit with her when we came out, maybe go out to the cemetery, but she never returned his call.

Ultimately, we decided *not* to go out to Maryland. We no longer had a place to stay and hotels were too expensive. Plus, neither of our hearts were in it, anyway. That's one of the reasons we didn't do much for the 4th.

Can you believe it's taken me almost four days to write this (I know it's the size of a small novel, but still)? It's hard to believe we're never going to see Army Buddy again. It's even worse because he did it to himself and we'll never really know what was going on.

The DH last talked to him, it turns out, 5 days before it happened. He said Army Buddy said he was stressed out about work and family life, but that he didn't seem particularly down. It just goes to show you that you never really know what's going on in a person's heart.

We've been talking about going back to Austin, back to our friends and the life we'd built there for nearly 10 years. Because, ultimately, what's really important? Your relationships with people, I suppose, and keeping those bonds strong.

Of course, DH's health issues put everything into question. Some sort of infection is the "easy" diagnosis. The fact there is no infection means that the eventually diagnosis is probably going to be a hard one. The DH has an appointment with the doctor today. Hopefully he can tell us something. Hopefully something good.

We could use some good news.