Do you ever have one of those days where it seems like every decision you've ever made has been wrong? Where the miserable mess that your life is at this very moment is due only to your own lack of intelligence and inadequacy as a human being?
Yeah, well I'm having one right now.
What started it? Well, it looks like we're getting this stupid house after all.
The thought really just fills me with...dread? massive indifference? resentment? fatigue? I just really don't care anymore and I don't want to deal with it anymore.
After months and months of wasted time spent waiting and waiting, not to mention looking at every crappy house in our price range, now we get to run around like chickens with our heads cut off so we can indebt ourselves for an okay house in an alright neighborhood that doesn't have a pool that is probably going to end up too small once my MIL comes to live with us and will only serve to trap us indefinitely in a city I didn't want to move to in the first place and don't really want to live in now.
There's a line from a Robert Frost poem that always runs through my head whenever I think about buying this house: I shall be telling this with a sigh/somewhere ages and ages hence.
I already know that I'm going to rue the day that I let the DH talk me into buying this stupid house; I know it.
But then I'm already grumpy about the aforementioned MIL deal. And I always manage to convince myself this is a good idea eventually. Or I let the DH convince me, anyway. It's like I feel like this is a bad idea, but I can't say why. Whenever I tell someone I want to just say to heck with it, I can never say why, so I feel stupid. I need a reason, don't I? I mean, there must be a reason, right?
The DH is out in the field again this week, too, so, yet again, it's me left to deal with all this crap alone.
I am never buying a house again. For real, this time.
bleah
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